The Wrestle

The wrestle between the now, but not yet. Between right and wrong; need and desire.

Hoping, but having nothing known for sure, is the biggest struggle in my emotional world. Not knowing where exactly to settle my mind. I can commit, but it might be gone tomorrow. Is it worth it? Is it worth the wrestle? For how long? So often, it seems cruel to have so much uncertainty in this life. The brokenness of time’s inflicted wounds. Battle scars of what could have been, but is not.

So much of me struggles with who and what to trust, yet simultaneously wanting to trust with abandon. But, it’s where I’ve been hurt the deepest. Trust…is it worth the wrestle? Should I trust less? Would it hurt less to trust less?

The answer is a resounding, “no”! We hurt the most when we choose not to open our hearts to relationship; to love. We are designed to love and to be loved. Deeply.

The wrestle is worth it, because relationship is worth it. The more I fight who I’m meant to be, the deeper the hurt. The deeper the loneliness and sense of purposelessness. We/I are made for togetherness. To risk the hurt, in order to find depth of love. And to know that no matter what happens with relationships here, there is a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally, does not change like the shifting shadows, and will never leave me. And THAT is something I can trust.

So, I’ll just go ahead and wrestle. Because at the foundation, I already have what I’m looking for.

-Michelle W

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