The Relativity Of Value

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had the question run through your head, “What do I contribute to this world?” We all ask ourselves this. Or something similar. Essentially, we are probing at our value.

Now, ponder with me for just a second as I take you down a spaghetti trail through my analytical brain. I think it’s slightly humorous that my questions used to be viewed as inconvenient by some. “Michelle, you think too much.” As if that’s a thing. What great accomplishment can you think of, short of an accidental discovery, came from someone who decided that they were going to think less? Critical thinking is essential to obtaining wisdom.

And so, here comes the question. How do we quantify value? Value is relative, right? Or is it? What is the standard? Who defines the value of something? Okay, that was more than one question. Welcome to my mind. Pull up a chair and relax. We’ve got a lot to unpack.

I suppose it depends on the object of interest, does it not? For instance, if I want to buy a home, there are a lot of factors that would go into what I would consider to be the “ideal home”. I may be willing to forgo having a huge yard, because the safety of the neighborhood and the home itself is more valuable to me than having acreage. So, the value of the home is negotiated in my mind and settled upon without necessarily having to view every single home in the state of Washington before coming to a conclusion of whether or not to put an offer on the house. I’m able to be decisive about what matters to me. This home is worth my investment.

But, even though I am able to come to a swift decision that this home is the most ideal for me and my family, someone else in different circumstances may absolutely disagree with my decision based upon their personal needs. Maybe this person has horses, and so acreage is non-negotiable. This house would not be worth their personal investment for their particular needs. It becomes relative.

But, let’s be clear. I’m not here to talk real estate. I’m here to talk about the value of human existence.

When did we start to believe in our value as relative? Particularly in ourselves. Sure, there are those out there that would also view someone else’s life as less valuable than their own. But, that’s a psychological discussion for another day.

My focus for today, is on the fact that so many of us struggle to see value in ourselves. Isn’t that why we see (in some cases) depression, work-a-holics, apathetic recluses, people running from one relationship to the next, and never finding the contentment they were so sure they’d find? We strive so very hard to try to find somewhere to fit. Someone to love and who will love us in return. We work so hard to establish titles and be “important”, that when it’s been accomplished, we’re left with a feeling of, “Well, now what?”.

When did our value become relative? When did we start looking outside of the basics of existence for the qualitative element of value to be approved?

If you’re having a difficult time following my question, let me give you an example. I want you to stop and think about the last time that you did something for yourself, simply because you knew you needed it. Without feeling guilty. Let’s get specific. Moms, when was the last time you were able to take a nap (if you were even able to fall asleep) without thinking of all those dishes piled in the sink, laundry that needed to be transfered to the dryer, or Mt. Washmore that has volcanically errupted in the middle of your living room floor? “Gah! I feel so guilty! I shouldn’t take a nap. I need to get that done first.” Then, if you resemble my life patterns at all, are grumpy with the kids and don’t end up being able to finish even half of what you were hoping to because, well, you ran out of energy.

Why do we feel guilty? Is it not because we’ve conditioned ourselves to believe that judgement of our inability to keep a house looking like a photo from a magazine, is less than acceptable? “What if someone were to stop by right now? What would they think of me?” And so, we exchange our needs, for what we believe to be what everyone else expects us to be. The hilarity comes when we realize that WE ARE ALL DOING THIS! Every last one of us. To varying degrees, no doubt. But, we all are living for the expectations of others.

I’ll be completely honest with you. If you come over to my house, and it looks like a picture out of a magazine, and I still have a smile on my face, you can know that the smile is hiding a frantic, hot mess of a woman inside. The reality is that I most likely just got done being entirely too harsh on my kids to pick up their mess. And also, I just hid the pile of unfolded laundry that I slacked on behind a closed door so nobody can see that we are human.

My reality, although I’m constantly trying to work at it, is that life gets messy. And I’m not being figurative. Anyone who’s been over to my home in the last year, will probably nod their heads in agreement when I say, we live in a constant state of cleaning up some sort of mess. I have four kids, a dog the size of a miniature pony, a cat, and eight birds. Yes, eight. That was not on purpose, nor is that number representory of the total from that “oopsies”. I simply cannot keep up 100% of the time. But, you know what? Life isn’t always going to be this complicated either. I will have the majority of my life to live in a nice and tidy house. And I have been warned, that I will miss the mess and chaos when it’s gone. Although, right now that seems unfathomable.

Back to the relitivity of our personal value. How did we come to this? We all pretend to have it all together, but none of us really do. I should insert: if you have it all together, all the time, pretty please give me lessons. And also write a book, do a podcast, or somehow broadcast it to the world, because we need you and your insights. Oh, and then I will drop by your house at random times just to test the integrity of your claim.

As I was reading in Genesis 3, something hit me. And it made me wonder if this is when “we” as humans started to allow our value to be determined outside of the simplistic value that God created us to exist in. Read with me.

Genesis 3: 1-6

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?'” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, ” We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

So, the first thing I notice is the deception. And he’s so sneaky about it. He makes a solid and seemingly flawless claim. So much of it is truth. And then, he twists it. To his advantage. He implies that there is knowledge that Eve is unaware of. As if God wasn’t clear enough with them about these guidlines. And then he pushes further into the scheme by then making the inevitable consiquence of partaking in this fruit as not only okay, but better than their current quality of life. He even has the gall to accuse God of flat out lying to them. As if God didn’t come clean with a full disclosure. No, Adam and Eve’s life would indeed be better after partaking of this fruit. They would know what God knows. Why would God hold out on them? What a jerk.

Their sense of pride was stirred. They agreed that God was holding out on them. They decided that a reptile was more believable than the creator they walked the Garden of Eden with every day. The one who had given them life and everything they needed to live it perfectly.

All of a sudden, they allowed an outsider to determine how they viewed their intellectual value. They apparently didn’t know everything and needed correction. At least, that was the rationale. They enabled the serpent to distract them from the simple trust that they had with God. The beautiful sense of fullfillment of just being God’s children was flushed out, as the geyser of pride and self-entitlement flooded their minds and emotions. Now they could be played. They forgot who they were, long enough to engage in a prideful act that would change everything, forever. Now it would be easier to make them doubt their value later on. Now shame could be added to the concoction of evil ploy.

Friends, the battle hasn’t changed. The scenery has, but the intentions and tactics of Satan are exactly the same. Take some truth, twist it with an agenda, and give the person every reason to believe that they are not smart enough, beautiful enough, powerful enough, strong enough, capable enough, valuable enough. It’s a force so strong, that even Jesus himself had to willfully resist it’s strangling grip, by speaking truth over the lies.

And we’ve taken the bait. We’ve given in to the thought that our worth is relative. It’s based upon our behavior and how other people percieve our efforts. And if we are not met with accolade, we are left with a sense of being less important. Not worth it. Unusable. Of no value. And so we live our lives in a hampster wheel, trying desperately to look busy. Running at full speed, shouting, “Look, I’m making something of myself. See how hard I’m working?” But, in reality we’re wasting precious energy running a “race” that can never be won.

I once had someone speak over me at a conference. He told me that he perceived me as a runner, stuck at the starting block. One who had fully trained, geared up, and had the will to win, but never left the starting point.

This bothered me to no end. Oh, it bothered me! I slept on it and even came back the next day to ask him to clarify what he meant. I expressed how tired I was. I told him that I am so diligent, and that I hate inefficiency. What in the world did he mean I was stuck? I’ve been going non-stop.

His response made me want to learn Karate, just so I could give him a solid kick. He smiled gently, and said, “I don’t really know what it means. That’s between you and God. You’ll have to ask him about it.”

There was so much wisdom in that. And, for those wondering, he is one of the men that I look up to the most now. I absolutely adore the fatherly advice that he gave me that day. You know what I did? I spent time praying. Seeking the truth. Yelling at God. Releasing years of frustration. Reading the Word.

And here’s what God revealed to me: I was running the wrong race. I was at the starting block to a race that I had not been designed to run. I was in the race of “people pleasing”. It was impossible to win, therefore my mind raced and was completely exhausted, but my feet never left the start line. It was the beginning to my jouney of discovering that my value does not come from what I am able to accomplish or how many people I’m able to impress. My value comes from my Abba, who breathed on me, his purpose and plan. He set me up to run the race that he had marked out for me. I could stop striving on my own, and rest in the reality that I don’t have to know everything about being impressively knowledgeable about everything. It’s okay that I need others to help. It’s okay that my kitchen isn’t perfect, or that I have a pile of laundry that needs attention.

The race that God has clearly showed me that he has had me in training for, is to love people. And most of the time, that looks messy. I plan to do housework, and one of my kids needs my attention. Or someone calls and needs to talk. Or someone shows up at my doorstep because they feel alone, and they know my house is a safe place to rest and be loved on. This is why my house is in a constant state of mess. But, I would never trade it. I would never value that my house look like a magazine, over someone’s heart being cared for.

I’m learning that my value does not come from what I do or what I plan to do. It comes from living out the designed race that God has for me. That has value. And that value can never be taken away. That value doesn’t get to be assessed by others, and then determined relevant or not. I am relevent. I am valuable. Because God says so. And I choose to rest in that. I choose to rest in the mess, so the real work can be accomplished well. My worth is not relative.

Matthew 11: 28-30

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.